Wait, let me explain...

Ok, upon re-reading my previous post, I understand that perhaps I came across like a spoiled teenager who expects everything to be done *RIGHT WHEN!* she wants...honestly, that's not the image I was trying to project.

Let me help you understand...

Four and half years ago, when my life was totally and completely out of control, I found out that I was pregnant. I cried for the rest of that day. And then I realized, "Wait! So what if the father of this child is a no-good @#$%&*...I'm going to have a baby!" Unfortunately, that pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. I had never experienced such devastation in my life up to that point. So, you can imagine that when I met my soon-to-be husband not even a month after this miscarriage, I was really thinking that things were too good to be true. He was wonderful, and he gave me a love that I had never known before. Because of him, my life turned around. Anyway....enough mush. :) Things just clicked between us. There was no question in either of our minds that we were made for each other. After becoming engaged on March 18, 2005, we kind of ran off and eloped on the 23rd. I TOLD you we didn't believe in long engagements. At the end of March, we decided that we would try for a baby. (I was 30, after all...) The first month we tried, we conceived, and I wound up giving birth to my M.D.

Now, I said all that to say this...I have a problem in that I base what things *should* be like on what they *were* before. I realize that there are couples out there that try for months and years, and this time around, we could be one of them...and I by no means want to discount what they have to go through. One of the things that God apparently wants me to work on is dealing with my disappointment and with having patience. I'm really not a petulant spoiled brat. Really!

Oh, and I would like to say thank you to HTM--you always have the most encouraging things to say. Thanks for your kind words. :)

Sometimes...

Sometimes I am sad. Today is one of those days. I wrote 2 months ago about how I'd love to have another baby and about how I didn't feel that it was time. Well, that's all changed. Just days after that blog was written, Hubby and I decided that it was, in fact, time. (Yes, we're impulsive...I'll have to tell ya about our not-so-lengthy path to engagement/marriage...lol). So, long story short, we've been trying. And it's breaking my heart into pieces right now that it would appear that *this* isn't the month that the magic is going to happen.

Now, granted...just 'cause it's time to try doesn't mean that it's time to happen. That's what I keep telling myself...yeah, sounds a little desperate, doesn't it? I mean, I'm almost 35 years old. I've been on birth control for half my life. I have an auto-immune issue. The odds are stacked against me, but I'm trying my dangedest to keep my faith strong in the Lord. I have caught myself thinking about the stories of Sarah and Hannah in the Old Testament, and I know that He is hearing my prayers. I just...well, I'm not so good at the waiting thing. Perhaps I should pray for patience, as well?

So, now you know part of the reason that I haven't been chatty as much here lately. With my roller-coaster emotions, sometimes silence is the best option. Silence and prayer--there's been a lot of that going on here lately, and more promises to follow.