Issues that are only in my head

I thought I'd beat the dust off of my poor, negected blog and actually write a post. You know, since I'm sure everyone has missed me soooooo much. Lol.

*Ahem*....Anyway...Hubby's Granddaddy is at home now and seems to be very much improved. He's hating the new diet that the doc suggested. Who can blame him? He's almost 85 and has eaten *one* way his whole life...and now some doctor comes along and tells him to do it differently. Who wouldn't hate that? But, his incision area from the surgery looks absolutely great, and he's in excellent spirits--most of which is due to not having to be in the hospital!

Over the three weeks that we spent traipsing around the hospital, at some point I mentioned to my son that he was born there at that particular hospital. Being the highly inquisitive 3 year old he is, he demanded to see where he was born. So, I took him up to the maternity floor...and thus began some of the issues in my head. I have made it no secret that I want another child. I'm 34, and I'm not getting any younger. It's not that I'm not thankful for what I've got...but the pull of another child is like a siren's call to me. Realistically speaking, it just ain't gonna happen right now. Yeah yeah, I know that lots of folks believe that it's our duty to bear any children that the Lord may send, and that He will provide for you...that's not what this is about, ok? I don't have a lack of faith, Heaven knows. But I do have a sense of practicality that God gave me...and that side of me is saying that we just can't afford it right now and that the time just isn't right. It's killing me. Especially since I found out just yesterday that my brother-in-law's wife is expecting. I had a good cry, and since I'm also PMS-y at the current moment, I'm seriously considering having another good cry, just for good measure. I know that if it's supposed to happen, it WILL happen...well, at least that's what the "practical" side of me is saying. The other side of me--the feminine, mothering, biologically-aging, baby-hungry side--is broken-hearted.

So, for the time being, I will wait. I will reach deep within to find the steadfast patience that I didn't know I possessed. Time is the best healer for hurting hearts, right? *sigh*